


I'll Deal With it on My Own

by kingvandam



Series: Falling was a Mistake [4]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Breakdown, One-Sided Attraction, fuck the broom, this verse is just a bummer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23745778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingvandam/pseuds/kingvandam
Summary: Being in love with your best friend sucks. It sucks even more when he knows. Dean would really rather have the world swallow him whole than actively have to deal with this.
Relationships: Dean Ambrose | Jon Moxley/Roman Reigns
Series: Falling was a Mistake [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700935
Comments: 12
Kudos: 17





	1. A Boy and a Broom

**Author's Note:**

> fuck the broom

Getting home was never really a part of the day that Dean enjoyed. Usually it led to a fight and Dean really wasn’t in the mood for a fight. Again Roman dropped him off. Unlike last time Dean opted to use the front door. Normally he would come and go through the backdoor in the kitchen because it was closer to his room. He was going to hold off on that though, only for a little bit though. He didn’t want a repeat of the broom incident. Dean had a hand on the door knob as he watched Roman take off down the road. With a heavy sigh Dean turned the knob as softly as he could manage. The door creaked a little bit and Dean winced as it did. Thankfully his father was dead asleep on the couch. Dean took a deep breath and tiptoed his way back into his room. He shut his own door as quietly as he could manage before letting out a steady breath. Dean laid back on his bed and just took a moment to breathe. 

He just needed to take some time away from the world and for now he could do it in the comfort of his own bedroom. As he closed his eyes everything started to flash before him. Meeting Roman, the moment he realized he loved him, last night, this morning, everything. All of it made his head ache in the worst way possible. Everything was weird now with Roman knowing and it was all because of some stupid broom. That stupid fucking broom. The mixture of emotions all stirred together into anger the second he remembered about the broom. It had woken his father up which is what drove him to Roman in the first place. If that broom had been anywhere else then life could have gone on and Roman would’ve never needed to know. In a perfect world. 

The anger that now boiled in his veins made it nearly impossible not to yell right then and there. He didn’t though, that was an ass kicking he didn’t need right now. Instead he changed into a hoodie and slid his jacket back on afterward. He couldn’t be home right now. He tiptoed out into the kitchen, grabbing a half full bottle of vodka and heading for the back door. Before he got the door open he noticed out of the corner of his eye something familiar. The broom. Dean bit his lip and thought about it for a moment. Surely someone would notice if the broom went missing and surely there’d be hell to pay for it. Sadly for Dean’s future self his present self couldn’t bring himself to care. So Dean snagged the broom and headed out the back door. 

Dean started walking along the side of the road broom in one hand vodka in the other. It was dark and there was only a street light every 50 feet or so. He secured the broom under his armpit and undid the cap on the vodka. With a heavy breath Dean took a big swig, cringing a little at the burn that filled his insides. If he wasn’t used to that feeling at this point than he was pretty sure he never would be. Didn’t matter too much, it never burned for long and he kind of liked the feeling of it. It wasn’t until he was standing outside of Roman’s bedroom that he realized what he had done. He had zoned out and walked to Roman’s on pure instinct. He was about to knock but just before his knuckles met glass he stopped to think. Roman was what he was running from yet he still ran right to him. 

Shaking his head Dean backed away from the window and started heading in the opposite direction. This time he had a destination in mind. The bridge. The bridge on the end of town where everything fell apart on him. Maybe if he offered the broom to some bridge demon than his life could go back to how it had been. Wishful thinking. The most he could wish for is for a small bit of weight to be lifted off his shoulders. At least this way he never had to see the goddamn broom mocking him every day. The bridge was a ways away making it a bit of a walk but it wasn’t like Dean had anything better to do with his time. 

By the time he got there his legs felt like jello. A combination of the alcohol in his system and the length of the walk. He had to keep readjusting the broom’s positioning but in the end he got there. Dean looked down at the pavement. Small bits of glass still remained from when he smashed the bottle of gin on the ground. The heat inside from the anger was counteracting the stiffness he felt in his fingers from the cold. It all played over again in his head. Yelling, shoving, kissing, that awful little three letter phrase. 

With a shake of his head Dean sat the vodka down on the ground and gripped the broom like it was a bat. It was shitty one from the dollar store. That was his saving grace because at least it wasn’t expensive. Dean swallowed hard before swinging it over his head and smacking the head against the ground. The sound was higher pitched than he had expected at it echoed a ways. The vibrations from it hitting the ground were felt all of the way up in his forearms. For a moment he felt a sense of release. So he wailed it again. Then again. Then again. Then over and over again. It was, much to Dean’s surprise, holding up. So with the handle in his left hand and the head on the ground he took his foot and stomped down on the next. This time it broke. A sweet crunching sound arose as the plastic snapped underneath his weight. That brought a smile to his face. His Roman problem wouldn’t magically go away now, but he could hope it does in the meantime. 

He let out a small laugh before tossing the broken halves of the broom out into the woods as far as he could manage. There’s be hell to pay for this one but that was then and this is now. So until then he’d just enjoy his victory. He picked up the vodka again and took another swig. It was time to head back. He was a deadman if he got caught. Worst of all though it was Sunday which meant it was a school night. Dean groaned to himself before dragging his legs in the direction of his house. He’d be lucky if the sun didn’t start rising while he was out. At this point he had no idea how long he’d been out, but he felt better. That was all that mattered. He felt better. At least a little bit.


	2. Car Ride Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank god for Roman

“You with us space cadet?”

The sound of someone talking broke Dean out of his thoughts. It took a minute for him to remember where he was. It was fifth period and he was in study hall with Roman and his girlfriend. Dean wasn’t sure how long it had been but he had nodded out when she started talking about what she had done that weekend. It wasn’t so much that he wasn’t interested he was just really tired and vaguely hungover. Being out all night smashing brooms wasn’t a valid excuse to stay home. Truth be told even if it was he’d rather be at school. At some point today one of his parents was sure to notice the broom missing and even if he denied knowing about it he’d still be blamed. He was tired and there was a lot on his mind. Plus when he was zoned out he didn’t have to see the way she was leaned against Roman. 

“Huh?” was all Dean could manage.

“Where do you go when you do that?” she joked. 

Dean shook his head, “Nowhere.” 

She took that answer with a shrug and continued blabbering about whatever she was talking about before he had caught her attention. Dean’s eyes looked up to meet Roman’s. Roman who looked concerned and sympathetic. Dean raised an eyebrow at him before looking back down and pretending to focus his attention on his work. The rest of the period he could feel Roman’s eyes on him. Watching. Roman’s responses and his girlfriends talking supplied as a backing track to Dean’s own thoughts. Thoughts about how much it hurt to see the two of them together and how Roman now knew that was what he was thinking. 

Dean had never been so grateful for study hall to end. Usually that was his favorite part of the day. Well his school day at least. However today when the bell rang he didn’t wait for Roman or his girlfriend, he just booked it out the library doors. It wasn’t until a few periods later when school was over that Roman managed to catch up with Dean. Dean had been putting his books and stuff away when Roman leaned up beside his locker. 

“Hey,” Dean said casually. 

“Need a ride home?” Roman’s body language read tense but his tone was casual.

Dean shut his locker slowly while he thought about it, “Sure.”

With that Roman nodded towards the exit and the two began the walk. It was quiet between them. Dean wouldn’t describe it as being an uncomfortable silence, but it was silence nonetheless. Roman still hadn’t eased up and that was cause enough for concern from Dean. Immediately without any time to think clearly about it Dean had jumped to the worst possible conclusion. Roman was upset with him. That was the only reasonable explanation Dean could come up with. Nothing else made sense otherwise right? Roman lead them to his truck and they both got in quietly. Neither one of them spoke for a while. Roman seemed to be driving aimlessly rather than straight to Dean’s and Dean wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that or not right now. Turn after turn and still silence. Still no destination. Eventually one of them spoke. 

“Dean?” Roman spoke softly.

Dean looked over to Roman, “Yeah?” 

“Why didn’t you knock?” it was asked so quietly Dean barely heard him over the heater. 

“Huh?” Dean asked, finding it easier to just play dumb. 

“You were at my window last night,” Roman explained, “Why didn’t you knock?”

Dean looked away from Roman and down at his hands, “I didn’t want to bother you.” 

“I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you this but I’m gonna keep telling you until you believe me. You can come to me any time about anything and it won’t bother me. I’m here for you I thought we were over this,” Roman spoke in a steady tone, not once looking over at Dean. 

Dean brought his hand up to his mouth so he could chew on his knuckle, “We were.”

“What happened?”

“My stupid fucking mouth happened. Well first that broom happened, then my stupid fucking mouth,” Dean’s speach was much more frantic than Roman’s had been. 

Roman took another turn, “It’s not the brooms fault. It was gonna come out of ya eventually.”

Dean let out a soft laugh, “Tell that to the broom I beat the shit out of.” 

“So that’s what you were doing last night without me,” Roman put a hand on Dean’s knee and shook it, “Fighting a broom?” 

“Yeah and I won,” Dean joked before reality set back in on him again, “Broke the fucking thing in two. Dad’s gonna kill me.” 

“Could always stay the night at my place,” Roman offered. 

Dean shook his head, “That’s prolonging the inevitable. He wouldn’t let me anyway.”

Roman nodded once, “Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.” 

“Yeah it’ll be worse.” 

That hung in the air for a little while. Neither really knew where to go from there. Roman continued to drive aimlessly and Dean wasn’t complaining. Dean was just relieved that Roman wasn’t actually mad at him. He always had a bad habit of jumping to the worst possible conclusion. Probably had something to do with the way he was raised. All he knew was worst case scenario. 

“Hey thanks for not like beating the shit out of me or whatever,” Dean spoke up again out of seemingly nowhere. 

Roman really did laugh at that one, “And what would I beat the shit out of you for?” 

“Kissing you.”

Roman swallowed hard and Dean could almost hear it, “It’s a really confusing time. I’d never lay a hand on you though. Even if I was mad at you for that, which I’m not.” 

Dean just nodded to himself. They drove around for a little while longer before Roman reluctantly took Dean home. He checked a few more times to see if Dean was sure he didn’t want to stay at Roman’s for the night. Dean assured him that he would be fine. He could tell Roman didn’t believe him, but Roman wasn’t going to fight him on this. There was no real ground for Roman to stand on. No ground that Dean wouldn’t deny existed. When Dean got through the front door neither parent acknowledged him. His father was drinking a beer and his mother was on the phone in the kitchen so he just made his way into his room. It wouldn’t be long, he knew that for sure. It never was. He just had to sit back and wait.


	3. How It Was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aww dean's coming back around

It had been worse than he thought. It was a goddamn dollar store broom afterall. Still it was more about the fact that he broke it and even more so because he argued back. He had a feeling he should have known better by this point. It didn’t matter. What was done was done. Instead of wallowing in his own self pity he packed some clothes into his school bag and waited. He only had to wait until his old man fell asleep. That could be any time from now until sometime in the early morning. Dean hoped it was sooner rather than later. The faster he could take off out of there the better. It was already after dinner so his mom was gone working. He felt his heart rate pick up every time footsteps went near his door. Call it paranoia but it’s well warranted. 

Most of the time waiting was spent pacing and fidgeting. He needed a cigarette bad but he’d be dammed if he got caught smoking especially with the night he’s had so far. Homework would be a smart thing to busy himself with but that just wasn’t his style. Frantically chewing on his nails was preferable in his eyes. A habit he should probably work on breaking. Now’s not the time for that though. He needs something for stress relief and it’s the only method he knows that won’t end him up in more trouble. When things outside of his room have been silent for long enough he opened his bedroom door as quietly as he could manage. There was still no sound so he left the door open behind him and tiptoed out far enough so that he could see the living room. Sure enough there was empty beer cans covering the coffee table and his father was passed out beside them on the couch. Dean took a deep breath before tiptoeing back, grabbing his bag, then getting the hell out of the house. 

Once he had gotten out of the yard he took a steady breath. He reached into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Standing still on the side of the street Dean pulled out a cigarette and lit it before sliding both the pack and the lighter back into his pocket. As he breathed in he could feel his lungs fill with smoke. On the first exhale he felt his body release a small bit of stress. It was probably the part of him that was stressed because he wasn’t smoking. Another bad habit he should probably kick. Like that was ever going to happen. 

His legs seemed to move on their own as they took him in the direction of Roman’s house. Every few steps he had to readjust the strap on his backpack, afterall he was only wearing one strap. His fingers were frozen and numb, turning purple in the harsh late autumn weather. There was snow dusted along the ground and a small bit falling from the air. When he got to Roman’s window he stubbed the small bit of cigarette he had left on the bottom of his shoe before tucking it back in the pack. His knocks were gentle, just loud enough to be heard. The lights in the room were off and Roman was most likely already asleep. Dean knocked a little harder and when he did he noticed Roman start to stir. It only took about a minute for Roman to get up and go to the window. 

“Need something?” Roman asked voice drenched in sleep. 

Dean just held up his backpack.

Roman took a step away from the window and motioned for Dean to come in. Dean pushed the window up a little further and climbed in one leg at a time. As he was doing so Roman turned on the light in his room and rubbed his eyes. Dean slid his shoes off as soon as he got inside and shut the window behind himself. The first thing Dean did was get out his pajamas and change. He could feel Roman’s eyes on him as he did so. He knew Roman was looking at the bruises but part of him wanted Roman to be checking him out instead. 

“You’re not drunk,” Roman stated once Dean had gotten his shirt over his head.

Dean ran a hand through his own hair to mess it up a bit, “Nah. Haven’t even been drinking. Smoked though.”

“Yeah I can smell that,” Roman teased, “I like you better sober anyway.”

“Glad,” Dean walked over and took a seat on the bed. 

Roman took a seat beside him, placing an arm behind Dean but not touching him, “You alright?”

“Body hurts,” Dean looked at Roman and gave him a soft smile. 

Roman moved his arm from behind Dean to wrap around him. For a moment Dean tensed up before relaxing into the grip. Usually Dean didn’t like being touch, unless he was drunk. This was different though. This was Roman. Roman still wrapping his arm around Dean after everything that had happened in the past couple of days. He said he wasn’t going anywhere and he was making good on that promise. Instead of pulling away Dean snuggled further into Roman’s grip, putting his head on Roman’s shoulder.

“Do you think it’ll always be like this?” Dean asked quietly after a while.

“No,” Roman responded in an equally soft yet matter of fact tone. 

Dean shut his eyes and let Roman support his bodyweight, “Good.” 

Roman just held him there. It wasn’t too long before Dean had nodded off completely. Roman just moved him so he was actually laying down in the bed. It wasn’t long after that Roman switched the light off and crawled into bed beside him. Sleeping beside Roman always felt more norma; than sleeping alone. He wasn’t sure if it was because he liked Roman or just because he didn’t like sleeping alone in general. It was more than likely a combination of both. Either way sleeping next to Roman just felt right. Dean wasn’t sure if he had dreamt it but he was pretty sure Roman had wrapped an arm around his waist in the night. Not that Dean was complaining he just wished he’d do it more. No matter what he always seemed to end up right back in Roman’s bed.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @kingvandam!


End file.
